Is Reconciliation an Option

Most people contemplating divorce will go through a period where they question the decision to end it all. Those days of doubt are common, especially when there are children involved or parents pulling on both ends telling you that divorce is not the answer. Having thoughts of reconciliation are quite common and for many couples, working things out is a great option but for some couples, even with hard work and counseling, they find they end up back in the same situation time after time.

If you are in the midst of a divorce but thinking about reconciliation, you need to imagine being married to that person but with him or her changed. Ask yourself honestly, would you love that person and be able to forget and forgive the past so the two of you can move forward to a new and better life. The answer for some couples is yes and working at it as a team, they do quite well. However, you need to be objective and weigh the good with the bad so you can determine if reconciliation is in fact a good option for you.

Just remember that anything, even fixing a bad marriage, is possible. However, the key to reconciliation is having two people willing to work hard at putting the marriage back together. If you have one person willing to work hard and the other saying they are willing to work hard but not really having his or her heart into it, then reconciliation will never be successful. It has to be a 100% agreement between both parties if it is going to work.

If you both agree, you want the marriage to work and you both agree to professional counseling to make the marriage work, then you need to make sure that would be enough. Unfortunately, sometimes couples are so hurt by something that has happened in the marriage that even years of counseling cannot help. For instance, if one partner has been unfaithful in the marriage more than once, forgiving that person would be difficult to do.

After all, for reconciliation to be successful, it means both the husband and wife have to not just forgive but trust. Most often, a broken marriage is struggling because of betrayal or distrust so rebuilding that can be a real challenge. However, rebuilding is not impossible. In this case, if you are committed to the sanctity of marriage and stand by your decision to work through things for better or worse, then you have a great attitude, the kind of attitude it takes to put the broken pieces back together.

For many couples, the desire for reconciliation is to go back to a marriage that is comfortable, to ways that they know and understand. For some people, reconciliation is no more than a crutch because of the fear of the unknown. In this case, reconciliation would likely not work. Instead, there has to be a devotion to the marriage, a desire to build a strong and loving bond that can be carried forward for the rest of life, not just something that is known and comfortable.

The bottom line is that making a decision to reconcile based on trust and desire to be with one another rather than on fear is always best. Reconciliation also means forgiveness, which puts two hurt people in a position of being vulnerable. However, holding grudges will never make for a happy marriage. You have to be willing to forgive. That means that not only do you say you forgive but that you never bring the issue up again. You put the issue to rest, leaving it alone

The truth is that as you begin to forgive your spouse for the wrongs he or she has done in the marriage, you actually begin to build your own power. In addition to allowing the marriage to rebuild, you begin to empower you, which is just as important, if not more so. As you gain more and more confidence in the marriage, you become are more attractive person to your mate. This means you are no longer wasting your valuable time being angry or carrying around something from the past that you cannot change.

Total forgiveness is the key to a successful reconciliation. Forgiveness is not an emotion but a decision. You choose to forgive, which in some cases can be tough. However, if you look at the alternative, which means to carry a huge burden around, which option looks best. If you truly want to work things out in the marriage, you have to be able to forgive. What you will find is that the marriage begins to blossom and grow since the old hurts are no longer hanging on and dragging the two of you down.


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