Are you in a marriage that is struggling, barely keeping afloat and you want to do everything you can to save it? If so, you first need to know that you are among millions going through the same battle. In addition, remember that just because a marriage is failing does not mean it will end. With hard work, time, and dedication, many broken marriages can be fixed. However, one of the most important things is to take the blinders off and determine the real reasons your marriage is falling apart.
Marriages can fail for a long list of reasons. However, all of the reasons usually fall within one of three categories to include isolation, influence, and availability. In other words, some people begin to isolate themselves, which can be the byproduct of other things going on. For instance, you might have a spouse that feels left out, perhaps communication has stopped, or one person in the marriage is not there for the other. The result is one spouse becoming isolated, shutting down to the husband or wife.
Then you have influence. With this, spouses are influenced by a number of factors, which create problems in the marriage. As an example, let us say the husband married someone his mom and dad do not like. Because of their influence in the son's life, he does not stand up to them, literally taking sides with the parents and not the wife. Another scenario might be that the wife has a friend who thinks she could have married better and as that friend continues to influence her, she begins to take sides with the friend, not the husband.
Finally, there is the issue of availability. In this case, the husband or wife spend long hours at the office, finding little time left for the spouse. Then, the weekends come along and one spouse is working on the house inside while the other spouse is working on the house from the outside. When the chores are done, both are too tired for each other. Finally, there is the issue of children. As the children are born, couples find their availability for each other dwindles. The result of this is two people growing further and further apart.
If you find that you and your spouse are having trouble, stop a minute to look at your marriage. Is one of you shutting down, refusing to talk, and thus turning the back on the marriage? Is the problem in the marriage due to an issue with influence? Perhaps, you no longer make time for another, creating a problem with availability. You first need to figure out where the weakness in the marriage is so you can then see if the problem can be resolved.
With isolation, this is a tough one in that someone's feelings have been damaged. Therefore, it takes consistency and time, proving to that spouse that you will listen, that you do care, and that you appreciate what that individual does. A turnaround in this case will not happen overnight but by making a conscious effort in changing, things can be better but again, it will take time because the isolated spouse has put up a huge wall.
For influence, this too is tough in that the spouse being influenced is going to have to get some backbone and start sticking up for his or her mate. If parents are at the heart of the problem, this means having a child go against the parent. However, you need to remind yourself that when you married, you left the home of your family and created a new home with your spouse. Will you make your parents mad or hurt their feelings? Yes, you probably will but if you love your spouse and believe in your marriage, you need to sit your parents down and explain to them that the behavior is going to stop or that they will lose a son or daughter in the process.
Then, you have the availability issue. In this case, it is more a matter of breaking bad habits. If you work long hours, then you need to become better organized, hire an assistant, or switch careers so you have more time to spend with your spouse. If the problem is because of having small children running around, choose a Friday or Saturday night, as a "date night" that unless someone is sick, cannot be broken. Go back to dating, spending quality time doing fun things together. Be available by taking phone calls, coming home earlier, and paying closer attention to your spouse. The results will be amazing.
While some of these issues can be worked on together, it might be that the issues have become so huge that professional counseling is required. Do this for your spouse, for your marriage, and for you. When things get back on track, you will be glad you did!